Under
our breath
| A
scientist who cannot smile can be an
excellent researcher, but will hardly
last long: the inevitable frustrations
intrinsic to research work must be fought
someway. And, unlike other drugs, smiling
doesn't damage the liver. |
|
BIG
BANG:
... and God said "pkunzip universe.zip" |
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| A
drug is a substance which when injected into
an experiment animal produces a scientific report |
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|
Right
decisions come from experience.
Experience comes from wrong decisions |
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| If
it's silly but it works, then it is not
silly |
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| Don't
force it, use a larger hammer |
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| You
cannot buy common sense at the drugstore |
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| Most
instruments work better when plugged-in |
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| The
important we'll do tomorrow;
today we shall take care of the urgent |
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| No
scientist will ever admit he's wrong without
blaming it upon some colleague |
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| "Yes,
poor abbot Mendel, he's old... spends all of
his time playing with peas" |
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| The
reasonable man strives to get himself adjusted
to the world.
The unreasonable man strives to get the world
adjusted to himself.
Thus all progress is due to the unreasonable
man. |
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| A
thick enough straight line will fit any three
points |
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| When
it finally happens, there are no witnesses to
it |
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| The
more it stinks, the more it's required |
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| Mother
Nature will tell you a direct lie, if she can |
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| If
you don't make copies of it, you'll lose it.
If you do, while looking for anything else you'll
find only them |
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|
Don't
believe in miracles - rely on them
|
|
There
are no answers, only cross-references |
|
Irrelevant
data never get lost |
|
|
Don't
experiment on animals - use your enemy |
|
Nature
abhors vacuum researchers |
|
|
Don't
wash the test tubes, wait for a new intern |
|
|
In
any lab sooner or later the critical mess
is reached and exceeded |
|
|
The
less you know, the more opinions you have |
|
|
Papers
tend to grow exponentially. And so do files |
|
|
An
optimist believes we live in the best possible
world.
A pessimist fears this is true |
|
|
Weren't
it for the last moment, nothing could be done |
|
|
Publish
now - think later |
|
|
Bureaucracy
is the worst type of cancer |
|
|
To
steal ideas from one person is plagiarism,
to steal from many is research |
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|
Having
a name for a disease doesn't necessarily mean
that we know what the Hell it is |
| |
| -
if it's green or it wriggles, it's biology
- if it stinks, it's chemistry
- if it doesn't work, it's physics |
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| The
most interesting results appear only once |
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| Competence
is not required for success |
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| Theories
are better written afterwards |
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| Don't
check twice - it might disappear |
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| If
you consider a problem long enough, you'll realize
you're part of it |
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| No
two people will ever see the same through the
same microscope |
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| "Stop
playing with those dry sticks and come eat
your raw meat!"
(Ikmaguk
to her husband, the inventor of fire) |
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| "Were
it worth the while, someone else would already
have done it"
(Oppenheimer's mother) |
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| Complex
problems have simple, straightforward, easy-to-understand
wrong answers |
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| Asking
a group of scientists to revise their theory
is like asking a group of cops to revise the
law |
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| Drosophila
melanogaster is way more quoted than any researcher |
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|
Keep some whisky in your lab: most problems
are soluble in alcohol |
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| There's
a black hole in every lab, and it sinks all
papers right before they become essential |
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| The
collective IQ of a committee is obtained by
dividing the IQ of the least endowed member
by the total count of them |
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The
three most common things in Universe (in this
order):
- stupidity
- frustration
- hydrogen
|
| Heard
some nice scientific joke? Then don't
keep it to yourself, contribute
it! |
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